Permission to Wander

Preface:

Recently, I've been feeling stuck, placid, and uncertain.  I feel like I'm here, there, and nowhere at all. I'm in the midst of a tug-of-war with my dreams and I'm not certain what will conquer in the end. It's big ideas vs. reality. The big ideas keep evolving and pushing and reality keeps pulling me down...
down...
down.

I'm not really sure what I want anymore or even, what I need. I've been struggling with myself about myself. Typically, when I do this it's over some petty perfectionist flaw but this time it's different. I'm struggling with my life's goals.  I'm 24, a semi-recent college grad, and not at all where I imagined myself to be at this point in life. Don't get me wrong, I know I am blessed beyond reason, but that doesn't change the trapped feelings I possess. I know I have the ability to change life at anytime, but it is scary to put on those "big-girl decision pants" sometimes.  I have to decide what to do and I've been leaning on my friends a lot lately.

Part One:

I am lucky enough to have a supply of good friends. I know that wherever certain friends reside (no matter the inches or miles between) we can have pillow-talk anytime. And with everything that's consuming my thoughts lately, I'm finding myself nestled in their advice and encouragement. I've learned that the world will shut you down, turn you down, and flip you upside down (roller coaster style). The world is unpredictable and so are many friendships. Yet, true ones will last and those friends who are meant to be in your life, those who enhance your life, will remain. 

My advice to you: find the few good ones-- the ones who make you cry of laugher or can unleash your creative spirit and keep them. Then, let the other friends go. Let those that enrich you little run free to find their true besties.

I have a small number of best friends. A couple are old high school friends (who go gaga for the nostalgia of small town life and the arts), some are my camp soul mates (and I mean soul mates --who are so creative and caring), some are college friends (who have seen me post crazy nights on the town and still love me) and a few newfound, yet, extraordinary.

The exceptional gal of interest for this post has been my best friend since college. In fact, we were roommates.  She has guided me through breakups, exams, dance team tryouts, cooking experiments, and job searching. She has literally held my hand during life's uppiest ups and downiest downs. She was by my side when my grandpa died, shared a dorm room when that one boy who shall not be named broke my heart, and she was there smiling at me on my graduation day. I love her. She is the sister I always begged my parents for and because she is that sister, she drives me absolutely nuts sometimes. I push her and she pushes me right back. I can be red mad at her and miss her at the same time. We are family and you may never understand, but that's okay. Our friendship has had its rocky patches and been to some severely desolate places. But family never leaves and she was always there in my heart even when I stupidly wished she wasn't. The truth of it is... she makes me a stronger person and deserving her friendship is one of my greatest achievements. So, it's no wonder when fronted with my quarter life crisis she knew exactly what to say...

Part Two:

"Give yourself permission to wander." 

Conclusion:

Permission to wander. What a freeing statement! I've been thinking about it all day. I am allowed to be uncertain, to not know what to do, and to feel lost. I have permission to try new things without a guarantee of immediate success or happiness. I have the right to change my mind and turn back around. I have given myself consent to decide my calling as I go. I can own these ambiguous feelings and make them mine. I am allowed to mold my existence as I go. I can make mistakes without remorse, because I have permission to wander.

Oh, to not forget.

For you: 

Give yourself permission to wander.  It's a simple and as complex as that. Now, be a good bestie and remind your friends that you will be by their side though all of their meandering, wishing, and wandering. They have permission too.